Redirect You

This page is just an archive for all my old posts. My new blog is at Thank you.

31 May 2007


"Who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long." - Martin Luther
I soooo don't agree.

30 May 2007


Milestones of life are those defining points where you reevaluate yourself and your identity. You think back on who you are. You think about who you currently are. Then you think about who you will be in the future.

These milestones might come at any point of your life. When you are still small, still unable to understand the significance of events. When you grow into your teenage years, able to think yet still lacking emotional control. And later on in life, when you mature into your years, able now to appreciate and grasp control of a significant portion of your life. Yet still, however, subject to fate and destiny.

It could be that the milestone is one significant event or a multitude or few. A tragedy or a victory. But always... Always we remember those events. The divorce of parents, or a marriage of two people. The death of a dear one or the birth of a child. The failure at university or a graduation with first class. The worst exam score or the best. But always, always a significance. Always, always leaving a deep emotional touch to the soul.

What defines us is how we learn from those events. How we take lessons from our experiences. How we analyse the aspects of the events. How we feel the emotions related and manifest them in our lives. Ultimately that is what forges us to be what we are. Who we are.

We cannot see what is to happen in the future, but we can plan. We can anticipate current events and act for the future. Thus there is no reason as such to blame God for the path he has determined for us. He has given us will. He let us have ikhtiyar. He gave us what we now have to use as our resources. From our minds to our sights to our hearts to our expressions and emotions. He gave us the right to utilise all we have at our hands to be creative with. To explore our possibilities, to plan, to hope for the future with. To assist with solving problems.

Thus we can anticipate milestones as best we can with the faculties Allah has provided. It may not come to pass as we might have foreseen. But nevertheless, it will always be something to be learnt from.

As of now... I am myself anticipating a milestone in my life. Would it come to pass as I hope it would? I should hope so... For the time between now and then, I ask Allah for the best. Though best for me might not be the best in my limited view.

29 May 2007


I tend to think highly upon myself. And this sometimes lead to poblems of the heart such as mentioned in the title of this post. Yes. 'Ujub. The feeling of being amazed at oneself.

You are amazed that you know more than your peers. You are amazed that you have a certain aptitude of skill over others. You are amazed that you can remain calm in a situation that is dire to others.

The only cure? Humility...

28 May 2007


Read the story of my namesake:

'Umayr ibn Sa'd Al-Ansari
source: (click!)

Umayr ibn Sad became an orphan at an early age. His father died leaving him and his mother poor and destitute. His mother eventually married again, to one of the richest men in Madinah. His name was Julas ibn Suwayd who was from the powerful tribe of al-Aws.

Umayr was well looked after by Julas and loved him as a son would love a father. Indeed he began to forget that he was an orphan. As Umayr grew older, Julas fondness and love for him grew. Julas would marvel at the intelligence he displayed in everything he did and at the honesty and trustworthiness which characterized his behavior.

When he was barely ten years old, Umayr became a Muslim. Faith found in his tender heart a secure niche and penetrated deeply into his being. In spite of youthfulness, he would never delay in the performance of salat behind the noble Prophet. Often he would be found in the first row of worshippers, hoping for the thawab promised those who attend mosques early and sit in the foremost rows. His mother was particularly pleased whenever she saw him going to and coming from the mosque, sometimes with her husband and sometimes alone.

Umayr's days passed in this fashion with no major disturbance to upset his calm and contentment. This idyllic state, however, could not last forever. Umayr was soon to face a most difficult test for a boy of his age, a test which shook the peaceful and loving atmosphere of his home and challenged the steadfastness of his faith.

In the ninth year after the Hijrah, the Prophet, peace and blessings of God be on him, announced his intention to lead an expedition to Tabuk against the Byzantine forces. He ordered the Muslims to get themselves ready and make the necessary preparations.

Usually when the Prophet wanted to go on a military campaign he would not give precise details of his objective or he would set off in a direction opposite to his intended destination. This was for security purposes and to confound the enemy's intelligence service. This he did not do in announcing the expedition to Tabuk. This was perhaps because of the great distance of Tabuk from Madinah, the enormous difficulties expected and the overwhelming strength of the enemy.

The preparations needed for this expedition had to be extensive. In spite of the fact that summer had set in and the intense heat produced languor and listlessness, and in spite of the fact that the date crops needed harvesting, the Muslims responded enthusiastically to the call of the Prophet and busied themselves in preparing for the arduous campaign ahead.

There was however a group of munafiqun or hypocrites who outwardly had declared their acceptance of Islam but inwardly did not believe in it. They were critical of the expedition and tried to weaken the resolve of the Muslims. They even ridiculed the Prophet in their private gatherings. Disbelief and hatred remained in their hearts.

One day, shortly before the army was due to set out, the young Umayr ibn Sad returned home after performing Salat in the mosque. He was all agog with excitement. He had just witnessed the great generosity and the spontaneous spirit of sacrifice which the Muslims displayed in preparing for the expedition. He had seen women of the Muhajirin and the Ansar donating their jewellery and their ornaments to buy provisions and equipment for the army. He had seen Uthman ibn Affan handing over a purse containing a thousand gold dinars to the Prophet and Abdur Rahman ibn Awl carrying on his shoulders two hundred awqiyyah of gold and placing it before the noble Prophet. Indeed he had even seen a man trying to sell his bed in order to purchase a sword for himself.

At home, he recalled these moving and inspiring scenes. He was surprised however that Julas was so slow in preparing for the expedition with the Prophet and at his delay in contributing especially since he was quite rich and could afford to give generously. Umayr felt that he had to arouse his ardor or stir his sense of generosity and manliness. So with great enthusiasm he related what he had seen and heard at the mosque particularly the case of those believers who, with great fervor, had come to enlist themselves in the army and were turned away by the Prophet because there was not sufficient means of transport. He related how sad and disappointed these people were at not realizing their desire to go on the path of Jihad and sacrifice for the sake of Islam. Julas' response was sharp and shocking.

"If Muhammad is true in claiming that he is a Prophet ," he shouted angrily, "then we are all worse than donkeys."

Umayr was flabbergasted. He could not believe what he had heard. He did not think that a man as intelligent as Julas could have uttered such words, words which put him instantly outside the pale of faith.

A host of questions paced through his mind and he immediately began to consider what action he should take. He saw in Julas' silence and his tardiness to respond to the Prophet's call, clear signs of a traitor to God and His Prophet, who wanted to bring harm to Islam in just the same way as the munafiqun who were plotting and conspiring against the Prophet. At the same time he saw a man who had treated him as a father and who was kind and generous to him, who had taken him as an orphan and had saved him from poverty.

Umayr had to choose between preserving this close relationship with Julas on the one hand and dealing with his treachery and hypocrisy on the other. The choice was painful but his decision was swift. He turned to Julas and said:

"By God, O Julas, there is no one on the face of the earth, after Muhammad ibn Abdullah, dearer to me than you. You are the closest of men to me and you have been most generous to me. But you have uttered words which, if I should mention them will expose and humiliate you. If I conceal them, however, I will be a traitor to my trust and destroy myself and my religion. I will, therefore, go to the Messenger of God, peace be upon him, and tell him what you have said. It is up to you to clarify your position."

The young Umayr went to the mosque and told the Prophet what he had heard from Julas. The Prophet asked him to stay with him and sent one of his companions to summon Julas.

Julas came, greeted the Prophet and sat in front of him. The Prophet, peace be upon him straightaway asked him: "What did you say that Umayr ibn Sad heard?" and he mentioned what Umayr had reported to him.

"He has lied against me, O Messenger of God, and has fabricated this. I have not uttered anything of the sort" asserted Julas.

The companions of the Prophet looked alternately at Julas and Umayr hoping to detect on their faces what their hearts concealed. They began to mutter among themselves. One of those in whose hearts was the disease of hypocrisy asserted:

"The youth is a nuisance. He is bent on defaming someone who has been good to him." Others replied: "Not at all. He is a youth who grew up in obedience to God. The expressions on his face attest to his truthfulness."

The Prophet, peace be on him, turned to Umayr and saw his flushed face and the tears streaming down his cheeks. Umayr prayed:

"O Lord, send down a revelation on Your Prophet to verify what I have told him." Julas meanwhile continued to defend what he had said: "What I have told you, O Messenger of God, is certainly the truth. If you wish, make us swear an oath in your presence. I swear by God that I did not say anything of the sort that Umayr reported to you."

As the companions turned to Umayr to hear what he had to say, they saw the Prophet come under a special mood of serenity and they realized that he was being inspired. Immediately there was complete silence as they gazed intently at the Prophet in anticipation.

At this point, fear and terror gripped Julas and he began to look tremulously at Umayr. The Prophet, having received the revelation, recited the words of God:

"(The hypocrites) swear by God that they have said (nothing wrong); yet most certainly they have uttered a saying which is a denial of the truth, and have thus denied the truth after having professed their self-surrender to God; for they were aiming at something which was beyond their reach. And they could find no fault (with the Faith) save that God had enriched them and (caused) His Apostle to enrich them out of His bounty. Hence, if they repent, it will be for their own good; but if they turn away, God will cause them to suffer a grievous suffering in this world and in the life to come and they will find no helper on earth, and none to give them succour." (The Quran, Surah at-Tawbah, 9:74).

Julas trembled with fear at what he heard and in his anguish, could hardly speak. Finally, he turned to the Prophet and said: "I do repent, O Messenger of God. I do repent. Umayr told the truth and I lied. I beseech God to accept my repentance..."

The Prophet turned to the young Umayr. Tears of joy moistened his youthful face, radiant with the light of faith. With his noble hand, the Prophet tenderly took his

ear and said:

"Young man, your ear has been true in what it heard and your Lord has confirmed the truth of what you said." Julas returned to the fold of Islam and was a good and faithful Muslim thereafter. The companions realized that by his generosity and good treatment of Umayr, he had reformed. Whenever Umayr was mentioned, Julas would say:

"My God reward Umayr with goodness on my behalf. He certainly saved me from kufr and preserved my neck from the fire of hell."

Umayr grew up and distinguished himself in later years with the same devotion and firmness which he had shown in early life.

During the caliphate of Umar ibn al-Khattab, the people of Hims in Syria complained much and bitterly of the governors appointed to the city even though Umar in particular used to pay special attention to the type of men he chose as his provincial governors. In selecting a governor, Umar would say: "I want a man who when he is among the people and is not their amir, should not behave as their amir, and when he is among them as an amir, he should behave as one of them.

"I want a governor who will not distinguish himself from the people by the clothes he wears, or the food he eats or the house he lives in."

"I want a governor who would establish Salat among the people, treat them equitably and with justice and does not close his door when they come to him in need."

In the light of the complaints of the people of Hims and going by his own criteria for a good governor, Umar ibn al-Khattab decided to appoint Umayr ibn Sad as governor of the region. This was despite the fact that Umayr at that time was at the head of a Muslim army traversing the Arabian peninsula and the region of great Syria, liberating towns, destroying enemy fortifications, pacifying the tribes and establishing masjids wherever he went. Umayr accepted the appointment as governor of Hims reluctantly because he preferred nothing better than Jihad in the path of God. He was still quite young, in his early twenties.

When Umayr reached Hims he called the inhabitants to a vast congregational prayer. When the prayer was over he addressed them. He began by praising and giving thanks to God and sending peace and blessings on His Prophet Muhammad. Then he said:

"O people! Islam is a mighty fortress and a sturdy gate. The fortress of Islam is justice and its gate is truth. If you destroy the fortress and demolish the gate you would undermine the defences of this religion.

"Islam will remain strong so long as the Sultan or central authority is strong. The strength of the Sultan neither comes from flogging with the whip, nor killing with the sword but from ruling with justice and holding fast to truth."

Umayr spent a full year in Hims during which, it is said, he did not write a single letter to the Amir al-Muminin. Nor did he send any taxes to the central treasury in Madinah, neither a dirham nor a dinar.

Umar was always concerned about the performance of his governors and was afraid that positions of authority would corrupt them. As far as he was concerned, there was no one who was free from sin and corrupting influences apart from the noble Prophet, peace be upon him. He summoned his secretary and said:

"Write to Umayr ibn Sad and say to him: "When the letter of the Amir al-Muminin reaches you, leave Hims and come to him and bring with you whatever taxes you have collected from the Muslims."

Umayr received the letter. He took his food pouch and hung his eating, drinking and washing utensils over his shoulder. He took his spear and left Hims and the governorship behind him. He set off for Madinah on foot.

As Umayr approached Madinah, he was badly sunburnt, his body was gaunt and his hair had grown long. His appearance showed all the signs of the long and arduous journey. Umar, on seeing him, was astonished. What's wrong with you, Umayr?" he asked with deep concern.

"Nothing is wrong with me, O Amir al-Muminin," replied Umayr. "I am fine and healthy, praise be to God, and I carry with me all (my) worldly possessions."

"And what worldly possessions have you got?" asked Umar thinking that he was carrying money for the Bayt al-mal or treasury of the Muslims."

"I have my pouch in which I put my food provisions. I have this vessel from which I eat and which I use for washing my hair and clothes. And I have this cup for making wudu and drinking..." "Did you come on foot?" asked Umar. "Yes, O Amir al-Muminin." "Weren't you given from your amirship an animal to ride on?" "They did not give me one and I did not ask them."

"And where is the amount you brought for the Baytalmal?"

"I didn't bring anything."

"And why not?"

"When I arrived at Hims," said Umayr, "I called the righteous persons of the town to a meeting and gave them the responsibility of collecting the taxes. Whenever they collected any amounts of money I would seek their advice and spent it (all) on those who were deserving among them."

At this point, Umar turned to his secretary and said:

"Renew the appointment of Umayr to the governorship of Hims." "Oh, come now," protested Umayr. "That is something which I do not desire. I shall not be a governor for you nor for anyone after you, O Amir al-Muminin."

With that Umayr asked the Khalifah's permission to go to his village on the outskirts of Madinah to live there with his family. This Umar granted.

A long time passed since Umayr had gone to his village and Umar decided to put him through a test to make sure of his circumstances. He said to one of his trusted aides called al-Harith:

"Harith, go to Umayr ibn Sad and stay with him as though you were a guest. If you see on him any signs of luxury or good living, return quietly as you went. If, however, you find him in straitened circumstances give him these dinars." Umar handed Harith a bag with a hundred dinars.

Al-Harith set our for Umayr's village and found his home after making enquiries.

"As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah," he greeted Umayr.

"Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu," replied Umayr and asked, "From where have you come?"

"From aI-Madinah."

"How arr the Muslims there?"


"How is the Amir al-Muminin?"

"He is fine and doing well."

"Has he applied the hudud laws?"

"Yes. He carried out the sentence of punishment on his own son for committing the crime of adultery. His son died as a result of the punishment." Al-Harith continued: "O Allah, help Umar. I only know that he has a great love for you."

Al-Harith stayed as Umayr's guest for three nights. On each night he was given only a small flat piece of barley bread. On the third day a local man said to Harith:

"Umayr and his family are suffering great hardship. They only have these loaves which they have given you in preference to themselves. They are hungry and in great distress. Harith went to Umayr and gave him the bag of money.

"What is this?" asked Umayr.

"The Amir al-Muminin sent it to you."

"Return it to him. Give him my greetings of peace and tell him that Umayr has no need of it."

"Take it, O Umayr," shouted his wife who was listening to the conversation between her husband and his guest. "If you need it, you can spend it. If not, you can spend it in other appropriate ways, for those in need here are many."

When al-Harith heard what she had said, he placed the dinars in front of Umayr and left. Umayr took the money and placed it in a small bag. He only went to sleep that night after he had distributed the money to those in need and especially to the children of those who had been martyred.

Al-Harith returned to Madinah and was questioned by Umar al-Faruq.

"What have you seen, Harith?"

"A very distressing situation, O Amir al-Muminin."

"Did you give him the dinars?"

"Yes, O Amir al-Muminin."

"What did he do with them?"

"I don't know. But I think that he did not keep a single dirham of it for himself."

Al-Faruq wrote to Umayr: "When you receive this letter, I do not put it down until you come to me."

Umayr proceeded straightaway to Madinah. Umar greeted and welcomed him and proceeded to question him.

"What did you do with the dinars, Umayr?" "You have no responsibility for the money after you have donated it to me."

"I adjure you to tell me what you did with it."

"I stored it away for myself so that I could benefit from

it a day when neither wealth nor children will be of any avail." Tears came to Umar's eyes as he said:

"I swear that you are one of those who are hard against themselves even when they are in dire need." And he ordered a camel load of food and two garments to be given to Umayr who protested:

"About the food, we do not need it, O Amir al-Mumineen. I left two saas of barley with my family and when we have finished that, Allah- Great and Exalted is He - will provide. As for the two garments, I will take them for (my wife). Her dress is now in tatters and she is almost naked."

Not long after that meeting with Umar al-Faruq, Umayr ibn Sad passed away to his Lord. He was not weighted down with the cares and burdens of the world and he was concerned to provide plenty of provisions for the hereafter. Umar received the news of his death with a heavy heart and said in deep sorrow: "I have wished to have men like Umayr ibn Sad whose help I could seek in dealing with the affairs of Muslims."


I almost cried reading this. The level of sacrifice that he was willing to give. He is truly a mujahid. And me? So far yet behind... I feel like a fowl trying to chase eagles.

O Allah... Bestow upon me the same firmness and empathy of 'Umayr ibn Sa'd Al-Ansari, one of Your Rasul's Sahabah.


Do you notice that when we KNOW something is forbidden or unrecommended, but we WANT to it anyway, we just do it?
"...hati kata jalan, kita jalan; walaupun akal kata jangan..."

"...the heart says walk, and we walk; although the mind says don't..."
This is why it's even worse when we deal with matters of syubhah (unclear or fuzzy matters of law). We tend to compromise principles and do what we WANT because the mind KNOWS nothing to keep the heart in check.

People are emotional creatures. That's the gist of being human. Without emotions men are dull and rational beings. Without emotions there is no thinking out of the box. Thus the mind would die from monotoneity. Thank God for emotions. For with emotions there is a drive to strive for the better. A barrier to block from mental decline. So long as the heart is guided by Allah and founded on taqwa.

Related posts:

27 May 2007


What is this hype with wahhabism? Why are there so many who dislike wahhabism?

In the first place, what is wahhabism anyway? Who are the wahhabis? What is their culture? Anyone? Enlighten me... I dislike reading discussions that are one-sided. So I want to know what the phenomena (wahhabism) is.

26 May 2007


It seems that my drive and my connections are all related to a sense of getting to know myself.

Two semesters ago, when I took the entrepreneurship class the lecturer asked some questions. The basic events went approximately like this:
Lecturer: Who here can claim to know themselves?
*a show of hands, but only a little; myself included*

Lecturer: Who here can claim to know themselves 50%?
*another show of hands, albeit a bit less; myself included again*

Lecturer: 70%?
*even less hands, countable by the fingers on one hand; myself still included*

Lecturer: 90%?
*only my hand was raisd now*

Now after a long time has passed. I reflect back on my claims. At the time, I supported my argument (for an argument it was) with these claims:
"...if a person knows that he/she is always learning about his/her self, then he/she knows hself very well..."

"...a person knows himself fully if he understands that he change in the next second..."
Now as I look back, I wonder if that was just arrogance playing on my not-wanting-to-lose nature.

I am an empathic person. I tend to look at people and see myself in almost each and every one. I feel sad when people are sad, because I see my sad when faced with the same circumstances. I feel people's vigour and happiness when they are so, because I see their situation in reflection of a similar happiness-inducing situation.

When i always relate what happens to people and how it affects them, it tends to make me question myself. Readdress my identity. My idea of myself.

As such, when events happen in my life, they almost always force me into reforging my identity. Making me emerge with a renewed sense of self. Albeit, not always with a good perception of who I am.

Thus far this year... There have been at least two major path definitions of my life. And that means two major reforgings of my soul and my self. In turn, affecting all else that I touch.

I dunno... I just hope that all of my identity reforgings are for the best. I guess it happens in all of us. Always... Always... Always the search for who we are. Always again the defining and redefining.

But then I wonder... if that is what makes us human. Allah knows. I leave it to Him to guide me.

الله أعلم


Today I feel so insecure.
I feel cut off.
I find it hard to cry.

My many fears are catching up.
My greatest fear still lurks.

My friends... I implore you.
Advise me.
Advise me with the Qur'an and Sunnah.
Advise me with good words.
Good reminders, insyaALLAH.

Please... I feel like a hypocrite.

I really need this.

Al-Fatrah passing over me.
Al-Fatrah striking laze in my heart.
Al-Fatrah laying doubt and fear and sadness within.

God help me return...


This is what people think of me so far:


(known to self and others)

confident, energetic, idealistic, knowledgeable, religious, searching

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

adaptable, brave, caring, clever, complex, extroverted, friendly, helpful, independent, ingenious, intelligent, kind, logical, mature, observant, responsive, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, warm, wise


(known only to self)


(known to nobody)

able, accepting, bold, calm, cheerful, dependable, dignified, giving, happy, introverted, loving, modest, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, self-assertive, sensible, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, witty

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (20%) bold (0%) brave (10%) calm (0%) caring (10%) cheerful (0%) clever (20%) complex (20%) confident (30%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (20%) extroverted (10%) friendly (50%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (30%) idealistic (40%) independent (20%) ingenious (10%) intelligent (20%) introverted (0%) kind (10%) knowledgeable (40%) logical (20%) loving (0%) mature (20%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (20%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (30%) responsive (10%) searching (10%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (10%) sensible (0%) sentimental (30%) shy (10%) silly (20%) spontaneous (10%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (0%) warm (20%) wise (10%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 26.5.2007, using data from 10 respondents.

You can make your own Johari Window, or view YeopMayuru's full data.


Mujahid Islam...

Betapa aku sungguh inginkan gelaran itu.

Namun terdetik di hati,
Apakah aku layak??


Tatkala ada yang menggelarku demikian.

Walaupun aku sekadar menyampaikan,

Apa yang aku rasa diperlukan,
Oleh seorang saudara yang memerlukan...

Dari Kitab Allah... Al-Qur'an.

Aku melihat kembali

Apakah layaknya diri?

Aku merenung kembali

Menerjah ke kalbu hati

Apakah diri ini sudah selesai urusan hati?
Apakah diri ini sudah mencintai RABBIY?
Apakah diri ini sudah taubat sepenuh hati?

Apakah diri ini sudah munajat mengharap ILAHIY?

Apakah diri ini...?

Apakah diri ini...?

Apakah diri ini...?
Lalu apakah diri ini...?
Dan seribu satu macam persoalan...

Aku belum berjihad sesungguhnya
Aku belum mengharap syahid sesungguhnya
Aku masih takut mati sesungguhnya
Aku masih belum lengkap Rukun Islamku
Aku masih terkontang-kanting mencari kebenaran
Mencari secebis ketenangan dalam seribu kekeliruan

Maka apakah aku layak sebagai Mujahid Islam??

Aku takuti harapan tidak tertemui

Lantas membawa kegundahan

Lantaran harapan tidak kesampaian.


Aku takut dilihat manusia dengan pandangan

Yang belum tentu akan mencerminkan kebenaran

Hakikat diriku dan hatiku tentang keimanan

Ya Allah...
Engkau telah mengurniakan aku kepetahan berkata-kata

Maka kau peliharalah diriku dari fitnah manisnya kata
Semoga semua ikatanku bukanlah atas rapuhnya bahasa

Yang indah ditutur tersisip ungkapan menyentuh jiwa

Namun kau jadikanlah semua sahabatku rapat

Atas dasar kekuatan iman.

Atas dasar keutuhan taqwa.

Atas dasar ukhuwwah yang hakiki.

Atas dasar mengharap redhaMu, ILAAHIY.


Terimalah du'aku ini.

Hamba yang mengharap...

Redha dan kasih ILAAHIY.

Hamba yang ingin jua mencintai...


Nukilan: 'Umayr SRA

24 May 2007


Surah arRahman read by Syeikh AsSyaatiri.

It's ben a long time since I wrote this post. This post is, insyaALLAH, another Qur'an reflection on my life.

Recently things have been happening that forced me to reconsider about taking things for granted. As I read the verses, I tried to understand what meaning is being conveyed.
The meaning behind the repetitions of the question,
"Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?" [arRahman:13]
I have an overwhelming thought in my mind. Focused on few things that make me excited; make me thrive. Yet sometimes in my zeal I forget that nothing is for granted.

Yes, Allah lays upon us with all these gifts of life. Whether we know it or appreciate it, they exist. Allah is arRahman. The Merciful. He gives, whether or not his servant believes. Whether or not his servant loves him. He provides. Regardless of race. Regardless of stature. Regardless of anything.

When I read that verse and the each of the gifts he reminds us of the surah, I thought, "how could I have forgotten??"

I think to myself, you think too little on being grateful but you take his provisions for granted. You think that if you want it, its as simple as asking Him for it, hoping for it, and He will give it. Regardless.

I thought to myself, how could I have forgotten that I have no amount of power to force God even a little, but that He has all the power to lay my path down for me. He has all the power to set my future. He has all the power to do anything He wishes to me. And I... Have none to stop it, if so He wills on me.

I remembered that in all my twenty-one years of experience in life, I should have asked Him and then hanged my fate on Him. There is no coercion on Him, but to lay hope on Him... That is how it should be. I should place my hopes and pray for all the best. So that all my business may come to a good resolution.

So now I pray... That there be peace. I pray for all my connections to be well bound. And that they are bound on the basis and foundation of taqwa. That we all pray for forgiveness of our sins if there have been any. That we all place all our hopes on Allah. For He determines all. I truly hope for the best in my life. And the lives of those that I touch. I truly hope for understanding. The first of which is my undertstanding of others. And the next of which is others' understanding of me.

I truly pray that whatever I do does not beckon fitnah. Of any sort and every sort. For that, I place my hopes in Allah, that He would accept my du'a and forgive my sins.


Takut nak update. Takut banyak terkeluar. Kalau bak kata omputih...
I'm afraid that my soul will be laid bare... Naked to the world to see, to criticise, to reprimand, to make fun of, to cheer on, to support, to uphold, to do another 1001 things to it. Yet desire holds on to me that pulls towards writing anyway. [a person on the web]
Teringat balik ayat Qur'an yang pernah aku post kat blog ni satu ketika dulu...

"Dan demi sesungguhnya, Kami telah mencipta manusia dan Kami sedia mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya, sedang (pengetahuan) Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya," (Qaaf - 50:16)

20 May 2007


Trying to focus tight now... I need to do a lot of restructuring to my thought process. I need to think straight. I need to FOCUS!

RAWR~!!! *masculine growl of defiance and will* I WILL move ON!!

*eyes set forward; feet steps forth*


I wanna get to know myself.

All of you, click here and then comment this post.

It's my Johari Window.

18 May 2007

Hati Raja; Aqal Advisor

Sebuah perbualan yang terjadi antara Yeop dan Person:

Nota: perbualan telah diubahsuai untuk supaya ada sedikit coherence of information.

yeop : bahaya perasaan nih
yeop : tak leh nak [percaya] sangat
yeop : tapi kalau tak dengar perasaan sendiri bahaya

person: klu xdgr pn bahaye..? [kalau tak dengar pun bahaye..?]

yeop : ya
yeop : sebab hati tuh raja diri kita
yeop : hati tuh kan yang mengawal perasaan?
yeop : cuba fkir
yeop : kita buat sesuatu kerana kita TAHU? [reference pada artikel Ustaz Abu Saif]
yeop : atau kerana kita MAHU? [reference pada artikel Ustaz Abu Saif]
yeop : tahu adalah sifat akal
yeop : mahu adalah sifat hati
yeop : sebab tuh ada pepatah, "ilmu tanpa amal bagaikan pohon tanpa buah"
yeop : sebab tuh susah nak beramal, tapi mudah nak bercakap
yeop : sebab bila bercakap
yeop : perlukan kefasihan lidah dan kelincahan akal
yeop : tapi bile beramal, perlu disertakan niat dari hati
yeop : jadi perasaan tu penting... penting... penting...
yeop : perlu mendengar perasaan sendiri
yeop : perlu mengubat perasaan sendiri
yeop : perlu membina perasaan sendiri
yeop : tapi
yeop : perlu dibimbing dengan aqal
yeop : sebab kalau hati tu raja
yeop : aqal pula penasihatnya
yeop : boleh jadi raja tersilap
yeop : tapi bila ada penasihat,
yeop : ada proses check and balance

Buka ayat 37 surah Qaaf. Berkenaan hati dan fokus.


I wanted to write something... But my thoughts are flowing so fast that my fingers could'nt catch up...

God help me!!


This blog's trend seems to move towards being a whiny blog. I really apologise to those who come here for anything of substance.

Apparently I'm having some problems of the heart....

Yeop: I wanna cry! But why does these eyes of mine block my tears?? Why is this heart so hard??? Where did the sweetness of the Qur'an go?? God help me find my way back! Please... Please... Please...

16 May 2007

Vicious Cycle

What do you do if your mind enters a vicious cycle of thoughts that remain in the same domain and cycles over and over and over again?

That's what my mind is going through right now...

Thoughts: (What's appening to me?? What happened to my 'amal fardi? Aaaaa~!)

The vicious cycle strikes...

pssst: is there any mention in the qur'an or hadiiths on refocusing one's mind? I'll make this a quiz...

14 May 2007

My Results

Got 3.67 for the last semester...

Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah...


I am afraid.... Truly afraid.

Read this:

"Friends on that Day will be foes, one to another; except the Righteous." [AzZukhruf:67]

I Wish...

...this day I wish I wasn't known by so many...

Will you all please leave me alone??

Allahumma -nsurniy...

12 May 2007

A Poem: Husband Asks for Poligamy??

Read this:

***Puisi Suami yg minta izin

Istriku, jika engkau bumi, akulah
matahari. Aku akan menyinari mu kerana
engkau mengharapkan sinaran dari ku.
Ingatlah bahtera yg kita kayuh, begitu
penuh riak gelombang.
Aku pasti akan tetap menyinari bumi,
hingga kadang- kadang bumi terasa akan
silauan ku. Lantas aku ingat satu hal
bahawa Tuhan mencipta bukan hanya
bumi, malah ada planet lain yang juga
mengharapkan sinaranku. Lalu..
Relakanlah aku menyinari planet lain,
menyampaikan faedah adanya aku, kerana
sudah takdir Illahi sinaranku
diperlukan diplanet lain...

***Balasan Puisi sang istri***

Suamiku, andai kau memang mentari,
sang surya yang memberi cahaya, aku
merelakan engkau berikan sinaranmu
kepada segala planet yang telah TUHAN
ciptakan kerana mereka juga seperti
aku perlukan cahaya mu dan akupun juga
tidak akan merasa kekurangan dengan
sinaran mu...

sejengkal lilin yang berkekuatan 5 watt
saha ja, jangan lah bermimpi untuk
menyinari planet lain!!! Kerana bilik
tidur kita yang kecil pun belum
sanggup kau terangi. Lihatlah diri mu
cermin kaca di sudut kamar kita, di
tengah remang-remang pancaran cahaya mu
yang telah aku mengerti... Cuba lihat
siapa dirimu... MATAHARI atau lilin ?

please lah...!!!

Acquired from a Friendster bulletin

My Comment: Heheh! Sungguh la kelakar! Berangan weih mamat tuh. Ade ke lilin nak jadi matahari!! Seriously... I laughed when I read this. Heheh! Tergelak besor tuh!

I remember an Ustaz from my old school. He said this regarding poligamy (teh language has been paraphrased), "Kalaulah orang tahu pasal hakikat poligami ni, mesti orang LAKI lah yang tak nak poligami dan orang PEREMPUAN lah yang berkejar-kejar nakkan poligami."

What he meant was that if men knew the weight of the responsibility it was to poligamise, then they would shun it. Whereas if women knew how much reward there was (for them) when their husbands poligamise, they would be the first to want it.

My opinion? Although I am not against poligamy, I don't, however, wish for more than one wife at a time. It's hard work; poligamy is. And I don't like hard work and hassle when it's not needed. Neither can I trust meself to be fair. Maybe I'll choose like Fahri in the Ayat-Ayat Cinta book; putting a special condition in the marriage bond that no poligamy is allowed. Hmm...

10 May 2007

Du'a for Moms/Dads of Newborns

I like this du'a.

From Anneesa who got it from Hadith - An-Nawawi, Kitabul-Adhkar, p. 349.

"Baarakallahu laka fil mauhoobi laka, wa shakartal waahiba, wa balagha ashaddahu, wa ruziqta birrahu."

["May Allah bless you with His gift to you, and may the receiver give thanks and reach the maturity of years and be granted piety.”]

The reply is: Barakallahu laka wa baraka ‘alaika, wa jaza kallahu khairan, wa raza-qakallahu mithalhu, wa ajzala thawabaka.

[”May Allah bless you, and shower His blessings upon you, and may Allah reward you well and bestow upon you its like and reward you with open hands.”]

So I'm gonna say it for Ustaz 'Athif and Kak Amrah who just got a new baby son:
Baarakallahu laka fil mauhoobi laka, wa shakartal waahiba, wa balagha ashaddahu, wa ruziqta birrahu.
Oh yeah... Tahniah also to Awla and her other siblings for becoming more "makcik" and "pakcik" than ever. Heheh!

Karrama lLahu wajhah?

Where did this term originate? Why was it attributed only to Sayyidina 'Ali? What are the dalils mentioning it?

I have no good and real answer to any of the questions above. So I will say, "RADHIYA -LLAHU 'ANHU", instead when someone mentions Sayyidina 'Ali's name...

08 May 2007

Farsyi t-Turaab!

This song is deep. If you really listen then you would know not to waste life on earth.

Here are the lyrics:

فرشي التراب
فرشي التراب يضمني وهو غطائي
حولي الرمال تلفني بل من ورائي
واللحد يحكي ظلمة فيها ابتلائي
والنور خط كتابه أنسى لقائي
والأهل اين حنانهم باعوا وفائي
والصحب اين جموعهم تركوا اخائي
والمال اين هناءه صار ورائي
والاسم اين بريقه بين الثناءِ
هذي نهاية حالي فرشي الترابِ
والحب ودّع شوقه وبكى رثائي
والدمع جف مسيره بعد البكاء
والكون ضاق بوسعه ضاقت فضائي
فاللحد صار بجثتي أرضي سمائي
هذي نهاية حالي فرشي الترابِ
والخوف يملأ غربتي والحزن دائي
أرجو الثبات وإنه قسما دوائي
والرب أدعو مخلصا أنت رجائي
أبغي إلهي جنة فيها هنائي

Here's a translation of the lyrics [reedited: 10.5.2007]:

Dust is My Bed
Meshary AlArada
-translation touched up by YM-

Dust is my bed,
It embraces me And it is my cover.
The sand surrounds me even behind my back
And the grave tells a dankness of my affliction
And the brightness draws a line...
Forgetting its meeting with me.

And family... Where is their love?
They sold my loyalty!
They sold my loyalty!
My loyalty!

And friendship... Where is it all?
They left my brotherhood!
They left my brotherhood!
My brotherhood!

And wealth... Where is its bliss?
It is behind my back now
And reputation... Where does it shine between praises?
This is my end and dust is my bed

And love farewelled longing and my lament cried
And the tears went dry after the crying
And the universe became small in its wideness...
...and thus did my space
And the grave became my ground; my sky
This is my end and this is my bed

Fear fills my estrangement and sadness is my illness
I expect firmness and I swear it’s my cure
And for Allah i pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it

And for Allah i pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it.

Comment: The original translation was rather weird, so I changed/paraphrased some parts of the lyrics - with help from a friend who understands Arabic. Hopefully it doesn't seem so weird now.

The line:
والحب ودّع شوقه وبكى رثائي so daym hard to tranlate!! Daym...
أستغفر الله

07 May 2007


I am writing from my workplace...

03 May 2007


Know why I put up the charisma question?

I said it was a matter of identity. And it was. Still is. I'm getting to be doubtful of my will/skill/credibility to lead people.

It seems that I have more WANT than CAPABILITY to lead. To me this feeling is dangerous. It endangers my sincerity. It endangers the principles I stand for.

I also feel like I have been lax this past semester in many things. From my emotional self. To my physical self. To my mental self.

I have beenm lax at so many things at when I arrived at the turning point where I decided to swing everything back the right way, it was so darned bad, that I stressed myself seriously with all my problems.

I guess bad habits haunt. And my bad habits are precisely the reason why I'm going to decline posts. Among others are:
  1. Procrastination.
  2. Laziness.
  3. Lack of spirit.
  4. Forgetfulness.
  5. Loss of faith.
I will not elaborate. It's enough that I say these bad habits, if you have them, will haunt you. It's enough that I say these bad habits will cause you enough trouble to get rid of them if you procrastinate in getting rid of them. It's enough that I say, don't be like me and be amongst those who take reminders and accept.

An article on leadership:
Kepimpinan: Dari Kuasa Mahu Ke Mana? from

02 May 2007


SubhanalLah, ya rabb... Jadikanlah aku dari kalangan golongan hambaMu yang memahami alQur'an dan Sunnah RasulMu. Dan kemudian jadikanlah aku dari kalangan golongan hambaMu yang mengamalkannnya dan menyukurinnya. Amiin.


[link - click!] // updated link 13.09.2007; reason - broken old one

Subhanallah... I want to be like Dr Ar-Rantisi; syahid on His way. And if I get married, I wish for my wife to have strength like the strength of Rasya Adluni.

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