Redirect You

This page is just an archive for all my old posts. My new blog is at Thank you.

11 April 2007


Today I realized something so profoundly important I have decided to write it down here.

So what *is* this exactly profound thing here anyways?

I realized my motivation for learning.

... ...
...and a lot more ... ... ... ...


You funny, you know...

TWENTY-ONE PLUS years of frikkin' life, more than HALF of which are spent either at, in, near, close to educational institutions and you say... "I have only realized my motivation for learning."


But it's true. Today I learnt that my motivation for learning is highly tied to my needs of self discovery. Of character building. Anything at all that allows me to be me. Anything at all that I feel... I can resonate with.

In fact, I feel like this whole world was made for my discovery of me. A discovery of this here person called by many names, 'Umayr, Yeop, Sayfurrahman, Mayuru, ibnu Ainullotfi, cucu Abdul Latif, Anak Makcik Murni, Abang 'Ammar, Abang 'Asim, Abang Ruqayyah, Fathimah, Zaynab, etc, etc... A discovery of this here character who sits right there at the desk writing this piece of the internet on his computer. A discovery most important of all, of who this here guy is in life, beside God.

Each person was created to walk his or her own path. Similar paths, maybe. Convergent paths, hopefully. But their own nonetheless. This is what is unique about fate determined by Allah. There is no path to be walked by two different people. At no point in time may two people be in the same place in the same situation or circumstance. Not even twins can do that. All as written in the Lauh Mahfudzh.

My motivation is to discover this path. My motivation centres on my identity. That is why I connect so easily to Islam. It connects to my soul. It connects me and the Creator of me. It binds me to a greater reality and perception than I would have if I am without it.

All my interests seem to be based on the same theme, the search for me. I like working with people, because I see "me" in others. I like computers because I can meet more and more people online, thus meeting more of "me". I like books, because I always see "me" as the main character(s). I like watching videos, dramas, animes whatever, because I can relate to "me". I love writing because i can express "me". Most of all, I love reading the Qur'an, because of all my interests, it where I find the purest of "me".

This also probably why I hate getting angry. I'd be angry at myself. I also dislike hurting others, because it hurts me first. I love seeing my friends happy, because I know I'd be seeing a happy "me" too. I love my family, because tehy are all "me".

But one day, the ultimate discovery of self would be that I detach myself from this world. To become truly free. Ultimately to be "me" and not be attached to "me". To appreciate the world, but not to love it. To appreciate death, and not fear it. To do deeds preparing for the eventual, and not procrastinate on that. Ultimately... That is a great discovery of self to me.

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