The heart...
Shall I tell of the state of my heart?
The pain I bear...
The struggle that continues...
On...
And on...
And on...
Forever more..
Towards the end that all must face.
I feel mired.
Mired in a bog of uncertainty.
Uncertain of who I am.
Uncertain yet of who I should be...
Uncertain of my place...
Uncertain of all that is given to me.
Whence should I draw strength?
From within?
Where exist naught but void so deep 'tis unfathomable?
Whence then?
Ah... But I know the answer...
Yet...
Knowing brings naught but shame.
For I know that strength comes from the One GOD.
Allah Almighty.
Lord of all that exists.
King of Kings.
He that governs ALL.
Yet shame...
So great do I feel for my shame that hide do I try.
Turning my face away...
For fear of unacceptance...
Fear of all that I have done.
Fear of sins done and unforgiven.
Fear of sins repeated.
Fear of having stepped in the realm of HARAM
through stepping in the unknown areas of SYUBHAH
Fear of SYIRIK unnoticed...
Yet that small voice in my heart offers that ALLAH
Is all-forgiving...
Is all-merciful...
So great his mercy
That no sin too big to forgive.
Save syirik...
Yet as I look back...
It is these moments of reflection that help me remember.
Remember who I am.
Remember my duties.
Remember my responsibilities.
It is these moments that help me find my way back...
When astray from the Straight Path.
It is Iman that holds me.
Iman that binds me to the Path towards al-Ahad.
Yet if Iman fluctuates...
My friends I hope to be there to remind.
At times when weakness prevails.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
For now...
Let us find the Path of Truth...
Let reflect upon this moment that we may strengthen our resolve...
Ameen...
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