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This page is just an archive for all my old posts. My new blog is at blog.sayfurrahman.com. Thank you.

16 June 2006

Obligation, Shame, Fear... Courage

Sometimes you are just given obligations. Obligations that you may not know the weight until you are actually bearing it. Then maybe at such times... You see yourself straining to survive that weight, and yearning to end it.

Yet at times... When indecision plagues the smoothness of such obligations. Whether to prioritise one responsibility over another. Whether to neglect one in favor of another. It brings shame so fast that you would quickly be mired. Stuck in a pit; a bog that pins you; a hole so deep that its opening seem like a pinhole.

Shame would hold you from tying lose ends. Shame unjustified. But shame nevertheless. You then find that obligation is ten times the weight it was before. And even more times harder to cast off. You become mentally crippled. Aware of your surroundings, yet unable to act. Then shame turns to fear.

Fear... When it is irrational, those whom it fills will feel it not. Yet as people look on. They would soon perceive that something is wrong. An uneasiness here and there. Something not right here and there. Until it bursts.

Fear is like an abscess on your skin. It grows with your pain. And then comes such a time it is too big; it bursts. No one had better be near at such times. For fear of getting stained with the substance of abscess and infected from it.

Thus obligations are nothing small however small it may seem. As I have learnt in past actions and decisions. It is better to accept it all with courage, and with responsibility face it all and all the consequences. Courage is a weapon many underestimate. Yet only that first step needs courage, the others... well... They'll follow.

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