I Married Her

Wanna see more pics? Click here.

Okay... I gonna tell you guys a secret. Look for the label "PATH 2". Anything to do with "PATH 2" is associated with my journey towards getting married. It may not be too significant, but then hey, anything even remotely associated with my journey, I put there. If you're interested, click on the label.

Du'a

"May Allaah bless for you (your spouse) and bless you, and may He unite both of you in goodness." - makedua.com

Du'a for us.

Counting

Waaaa!! Another 4 months!!! Waaaaa!!!!


Tralala... Best nyer jadi orang grad nanti...

Tapi tak best sebab dah kene cari keje...

Sape nak bagi kerja kat saya?! Meh la sini! Saya beri resume... Nak?

Countdown

I want to start a countdown!

Another 5 months plus!!!

Gratitude

Alhamdulillah.... Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah...

ArRahman

Surah arRahman read by Syeikh AsSyaatiri.

It's ben a long time since I wrote this post. This post is, insyaALLAH, another Qur'an reflection on my life.

Recently things have been happening that forced me to reconsider about taking things for granted. As I read the verses, I tried to understand what meaning is being conveyed.
The meaning behind the repetitions of the question,

"Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?" [arRahman:13]

I have an overwhelming thought in my mind. Focused on few things that make me excited; make me thrive. Yet sometimes in my zeal I forget that nothing is for granted.

Yes, Allah lays upon us with all these gifts of life. Whether we know it or appreciate it, they exist. Allah is arRahman. The Merciful. He gives, whether or not his servant believes. Whether or not his servant loves him. He provides. Regardless of race. Regardless of stature. Regardless of anything.

When I read that verse and the each of the gifts he reminds us of the surah, I thought, "how could I have forgotten??"

I think to myself, you think too little on being grateful but you take his provisions for granted. You think that if you want it, its as simple as asking Him for it, hoping for it, and He will give it. Regardless.

I thought to myself, how could I have forgotten that I have no amount of power to force God even a little, but that He has all the power to lay my path down for me. He has all the power to set my future. He has all the power to do anything He wishes to me. And I... Have none to stop it, if so He wills on me.

I remembered that in all my twenty-one years of experience in life, I should have asked Him and then hanged my fate on Him. There is no coercion on Him, but to lay hope on Him... That is how it should be. I should place my hopes and pray for all the best. So that all my business may come to a good resolution.

So now I pray... That there be peace. I pray for all my connections to be well bound. And that they are bound on the basis and foundation of taqwa. That we all pray for forgiveness of our sins if there have been any. That we all place all our hopes on Allah. For He determines all. I truly hope for the best in my life. And the lives of those that I touch. I truly hope for understanding. The first of which is my undertstanding of others. And the next of which is others' understanding of me.

I truly pray that whatever I do does not beckon fitnah. Of any sort and every sort. For that, I place my hopes in Allah, that He would accept my du'a and forgive my sins.

My Drive

I did a test to find what drives me. And this is what drives me:

What the report said about me (one paragraph ot of sooo many):

"Many people around you will be drawn to your charismatic nature. Let's face it; you are fun and easy to be around. People may tell you their secrets, ask for your advice, or just want to spend time around you and enjoy your escapades vicariously. However, your love of people may leave you vulnerable to unreasonable requests for favors. You don't want to see anyone suffer or unhappy, so you are easily spotted as softhearted. While you may love to keep others smiling, it is important for you to keep yourself happy as well. Don't be afraid to say no to people if their needs force you to over-commit yourself."

Yep. I have a problem with saying no to people I deem are reaaaaally in need. It's not that I feel I am indispensable, but that I reaally feel that I have to do something to help out. It's probably mostly dude to the fact that most of the time, I can feel their need. I know what I'd feel like if I were in their shoes.

I seriously dislike seeing people unhappy. The air seems to change when people's moods turn negative. And it suffocates. It hurts.

As such, more often than not, I try to compromise. I try to reach a decision where I still at least do something for those asking a favor, but not a decision that binds me to a hellish-world-on-earth.

Once a friend of mine texted me asking for my favor. He needed to borrow some money, saying that he has family problems and was in dire need of funds. I didn't reply to his messages. And I feel guilty to this day. I couldn't help him out; I didn't have the enough, what I had was just small enough to support me. I couldn't find the heart to say no neither. So I chose silence... He iterated his text a few times, asking and asking... And each time, my heart wavered. Yet i still couldn't help him out. Thus the silence continued.

To this friend of mine, although you may not read my blog, I truly apologise. It's not that I didn't want to help. But that I couldn't. I just... Couldn't. I truly, truly feel bad about it. So forgive me.

Abah's Friend's Wedding Day

Yep. Like in the title... I met the Pakcik who was with us when we were overseas in UK. He saw me and immediately knew we were Abah's family. Hohoho! Trust me to look like the young Abah.


Hohoho! I'm sooooo sengal nak target jugak 31 posts!


Post number 30. Only 1 more to go!!!

[edit]
Sebenarnya takde banyak pun nak citer kat sini. Just that we met this one pakcik who was with us uring our time in Coventry, UK. Dia kawin on this tarikh.

The day before, he met Abah, and had a long chat. Pastu dah dia jemput datang walimah dia, kiterang pun datang ah jadi wakil Abah since Abah tak dapat pergi. He recognised me as being related to Abah the moment he saw me. Haha! That would prolly be the most significant part of the storeh...

Pastu makan.

Pastu photo shoot skali ngan him and wife.

Pastu "thank yous" and gratitudes.

Pastu cabut plak gi tempat lain.

The end.
[/edit]

My Grandfather

I tried thinking of catchy titles for this entry... But no... NOthing came to mind.

Anyhow, in case anyone did not know yet, my grandfather met his last hour on Monday (13/11/2006). Probable cause: massive heart attack. At least that's what mom said based on the evidence.

That was the day of my second final paper. That was the day I was intending to celebrate being able to actually fill in more than 90% of the answers on that paper.

Lemme reiterate the events according to my POV. Here goes:

13 Nov 2006
1945:
I was at a friend's room when I got a call from my father asking me when's my next paper.

My feelings... Bewildered.

My guess... Something urgent came up.

Preparing to listen seriously, I buckled myself for any possibility that came to mind. The last time it was this serious was when my moyang died. I gave my answer, "On Friday. Why?"

"Atuk collapsed just now. Seems serious. We going back to kampung. Byang's staying, you?" my dad said. I do not remember exactly what he said, but the gist of it is all there I guess. All dialogue included are all approximations.

"Staying..." I replied. Well. I got an exam coming. And it's one of my critical subjects. maybe I didn't even want to believe the seriousness of the situation. Still, I thought, I had to be pragmatic. My brother also needs support on this end of Malaysia for his exams.

"OK. So later we'll be going. I'll keep you updated on Atuk's condition." Abah replied and hung up.

I kept to myself for a moment. Pondering the situation. I decided to stay for a while at my friends room.

Then Abah called again trying to arrange things here and for the team going back to kampung. And he said "Come home la Yeop. Easier to arrange things."

With that, I immediately went back.

2015:
Arrived home. Joined them for dinner. Then discussions started.

The original plan was as I said, for everyone but me and my bro Byang to go back to Ipoh. So we arranged it likewise. Then in the middle of dinner, Tok Polis (one of my father's uncles), called and advised for ALL of us going back, the situation seems really serious. So my father decided that we're all going back.

We finished dinner; prepared for travel. A long night's travel.

2145:
We took off. I drove the Merce; Angah drove the Iswara. The travel plan:

Destination: Ipoh, Perak
Detours: 1. Pick Mom up at Seremban (she had to attend a course), 2. Pick Mak Usu up at UPM

2200+:
Some along the stretch of the Johor PLUS, Tok Polis called again. He confirmed that Atuk has now passed away.

Innaa lillahi wainnaa ilayhi raji'uun...

2330+:
Arrived at Seremban, Allson Klana resort.

Pick Mom up. Driver & Co-driver shuffling.

Merce: Abah and Mom
Iswara: Angah and Yeop

14 Nov 2006
0100+:
Arrived at Serdang. Picked up Mak Usu. Abah's bongsu sister who's only 4 years older than I am (more like a sister to me than an aunt).

0200-0430:
Continued travels.

Stopped here and there for snacks, rest and toilet breaks.

0500:
Arrival at the destination.

We entered Atuk's house and we saw his body laid on his bed in the living room. It's kinda shocking. He looked so peaceful that might've only been sleeping.

Imagine the mix of emotions.

I guess there was a tiny bit of hope left that I began to wonder maybe he's only sleeping. Maybe there's a rise and fall of breathing still. But in the same moment... There was also acceptance. Acceptance that he was in this world no longer. There was a need to console Opah. There was a need to be her support, to be my father's support, to be my aunts' support; to be my family's support.

0600:
Subuh...

Determining that I couldn't do anything as yet. I prayed then slept.

0800:
My siblings woke me up. Got breakfast. Saw people coming in. All kinds of relatives and friends. Helped out here and there whenever I could. In my mind; I'm definitely going to solatkan Atuk.

0900-1130:
Waited for RM Nazrin. Atuk was a close friend at the istana. So RM Nazrin wanted to show his respect and give his condolences.

So we waited. During that time, the amount of people coming accumulated. By 1130, the porch was full of people. God knows who they were. I didn't recognize many of them as family members; so I guessed they were the Dato's and orang besars.

1130:
RM Nazrin arrived. He prayed for Atuk and offered condolences to Opah and Abah as the family representatives.

Then he went.

And suddenly there was a lot less people. That's one of the things that ticked me off actually. Where most of these people here for my grandfather? Or just because the RM came? Allah knows... Nevertheless, it still ticked me off.

1145:
Atuk's bathing. I did not take part. Abah did though. I prepared for the Jenazah Prayer.

1230:
Prayed the Jenazah Prayer for Atuk. I realised that there was really nothing much I could do about his death. The only thing is to pray, pray and pray. So I prayed.

Allahumma ghfir lijaddiy, warhamhu, wa'aafihi, wa'fu 'anhu. Allahumma ghfir lahu, warhamhu, wa'aafihi, wa'fu 'anhu. Allahumma ghfir lahu, warhamhu, wa'aafihi, wa'fu 'anhu. Allahumma ghfir lahu, warhamhu, wa'aafihi, wa'fu 'anhu...

1245:
Abah made a speech as the only son of my grandfather. He mentioned the normal things; tuntutan hutang and whatnot. Then he mentioned Atuk. He mentioned the fact that Atuk brought him up. He mentioned the fact that Atuk was well respected by those who knew him. He mentioned Atuk with never a lack of stories/experiences to tell...

I cried... This was the only time I ever cried when we went back. I did not cry when we received news of his death. I did not cry when I saw his body. I did not cry lifting him up for bathing. I did not cry praying for him. But the tears were too sorrowful to hold back then. So I let it go...

1300:
Went to the Masjid. Did the Zuhr Solah. Did the Jenazah Prayer again. Prayed for Atuk again and again.

1400:
Went to the graveyard. Went through the talkin.

Then we went back to Atuk's house.

===============

I guess the main events ended then. It was sudden. And it did happen at a critical time. With our exams and all.

BUT it did teach us some lessons.

1. The age old lesson that death may come at a time not pondered. Yet this lesson always forgotten by most and many.
   
2. Death may come in any way unexpected. Yet another lesson always forgotten; blown away by pleasure and fun.
3. Death is not a thing to be feared. The weakness of the ummah is due to al-wahn. Love of adDunya; fear of death.
   
4. It's OK to be sad. BUT never to utterly lose self-control over things that we may never control.
5. Fateful events should be taken in stride. Such things should never slow your pace in life. Face it. Overcome it.
   

My Siblings And I

I was rummaging in my father's website when I found these. Cute aren't we? Heheh!